Life-Changing Practices, Part 2
A series on how to live your best life
Seek Equanimity
Seeking equanimity means locating the calm within the storm, or the chill within the ecstatic.
Remaining calm and balanced in the face of anger and strife is a game changer. Interpersonal relationships are deeply challenging, and rightfully so. We learn and grow through our relationships, and we cannot control the actions of others. This means we must be prepared for anyone to say or do anything at anytime. If you are in touch with yourself and aware of your triggers, even the most virulent vitriol spouted in your face won’t get a rise out of you. You cannot control them, but you can, in fact, control you. Learning to respond with love and grace leads to a life of deep fulfillment and strong connection.
Professionally, we all deal with workplace challenges and many of my books have centered managing ourselves and others in this context. Whether we are bearing witness to Subtle Acts of Exclusion or Erasing Institutional Bias, we have countless opportunities to become better versions of ourselves in the context of our employment pursuits. The responsibility expands exponentially when we are placed in leadership roles where we can shape the environment for those we lead.
My earliest encounters with the need for equanimity began in early childhood. I was an Army Brat whose incessant relocation rendered me the perpetual new kid. Despite my father’s military status, which often yields diverse educational environments, my parents opted for private schools. In Germany I went to public schools. Being Black made me alien in a way that even other foreigners weren’t. I was nine the first time someone called me the N word. I didn’t choose equanimity at that time, but I saw the immediate value of being able to maintain your peaceful center in the most triggering circumstances.
I am deeply emotional, crying in the presence of beauty and happy dancing at the smallest victory. Depression is something I have also learned to manage after a long and exceedingly painful struggle. Nonetheless, at this stage, I seek the balance that lies between the extremes of emotion. I have located profound peace in the process.
Meditate Daily
Meditation has become one of the single most transformative practices in my life. Before I discovered meditation, prayer was the most proximate activity that affected me similarly. The difference being that prayer was not something I sustained beyond a few minutes, whereas the cumulative effects of meditation compound within each session and across a lifetime. Doubtless a regular prayer practice can, too, as studies show that both practices share innumerable physiological and psychological benefits. Prayer can feel unidirectional and connected to dogma and denomination, while meditation connotes something more inclusive, expansive, and theologically neutral.
Meditation can take so many forms, from the storied silent sitting to chanting, guided, musical, movement, breathing and more! I recommend that you explore lots of different types and modalities of meditation to see what suits you. Even as a meditation instructor and years-long practitioner, I still use meditation apps and anchors as part of my regular practice. There’s no shame in using Insight Timer whether it is for the unparalleled curated meditation menu of instructors or the simple timer to delineate your own silent journey. Do what feels good for you and find something that you can do often.
Practice: Guided Meditation
Seeking Equanimity is the name of my meditation podcast and a resource available to support you in audio or video format 24/7. It’s an easy on ramp of guided visualizations, practices, and contemplations to set you on a course towards your personal stillness journey.
Download Insight Timer in your mobile app store, or visit YouTube and find a guided meditation that looks interesting. Find the quietest space you can, use headphones or sit in a closet if needed. Take note of how you feel before you practice your meditation. Follow the guided meditation and then take note of how you feel afterwards. Insight Timer includes a feature that encourages you to document how you feel before and after using a range of smiley and frowny faces. Season one of my Seeking Equanimity podcast on YouTube and most podcast platforms offers structured guided meditations you can use, as well.
Aim for once daily meditation to start. I find it easiest upon rising. Instead of grabbing your phone to doom scroll, sit up and breathe for 5-10 minutes. I love the Chani and Chopra apps and they can be used in the morning. Just be careful not to get sucked into the email/social media vortex whilst reaching for the phone to meditate! Before mealtimes is also a great time.
Once you get the hang of once daily, you will inevitably crave more and see the utility and sanctuary in rinsing and repeating your practice multiple times per day. I have one teacher who doesn’t eat a meal until she has meditated for 30 minutes–strict but effective. Meditating while lying down or in a chair are accessible options. Assume any position that feels supportive. I prefer to save prone meditation for bedtime so I can drift off to sleep after.
Enjoy your journey! Subscribe and let me know how it goes.